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Subject: Westport #94 - Five Marriage Rules
(Posted on Feb 2, 2018 at 09:21PM ) Tags:
There's a lot of material out there on marriage advice and how to keep stuff together long term. It's dished out by an industry of professional counsellors, journalists, bloggers, talking heads, pundits and assorted punters in the space. Some are more academic, or prim and proper, rather than simple, straight-up street savvy.


Bob's into unearthing kernels of advice straight from the trenches via people living it, who just say it how it is, based on their real experience and lessons learned. Case in point was this exchange with 92-year-old "Pops" di Tomaso, family patriarch, at this 2007 wedding.

Here's his take on a silky smoove 64.5 year run of wedded bliss, and five rules for the fellas to take away and put into practice.

"Stuff isn't complicated in marriage. First and foremost, know that if momma bear
ain't happy, ain't no bear happy."

"Oh yeah, I have heard that sentiment from many in the married crew, just not in
those words. I have that one down, no a
rgument there."

"Second, a man needs to suck it up and be prepared to lose most battles. I reckon
19 of 20 on average, long term. Fight for the important stuff, and only put your foot
down then. Most issues of fighting in a marriage aren
't life or death. That is the art of
compromise."

"Nineteen out of 20 is compromise?" I stammered.

"Yep. So pick your 1 out of 20 carefully. OK, worst case, if she's really a hard ass,
maybe 1 out of 100. Also, learn to fight fair. That's really important. Learn not to draw
it out forever. Moving on is important as well. You're going to fight for sure. It is not a
matter of if, but when, and how often."

"So in a nutshell, lemme see, keep momma bear happy, fight fair, not for long, forgive
and forget, and be prepared to lose most fights,
" I summarized, counting his rules out
on five fingers.

"Easy enough to remember, but a lot harder to put into practice."

Stuff like this, you can't make up unless your sorry ass lived it. Dat be troof! With a little more thought, one can shorten this to "suck it up, shut up and smile." Others have simply stated, "Happy wife, happy life."

It should be noted that Pops' imparted wisdom came a few years after the demise of his beloved wife, so she wasn't around for said conversation, otherwise his words might have been more tempered if she was within earshot.

Bob's already covered observations and commentary about long-term marriage generally, but today is more about optimism and pulling it off successfully

But hey, 'nuff said from the menz's point of view. Let the other side weigh in.


There's no right answer at the end of the day. You wade in, play the game and takes your chances, spin the roulette wheel and see what happens in that big casino.

Above all, one needs a sense of humor and tolerance to get through it all, but everybody has a different spin on it.


Don't listen to what other folks have to say about marriage. Make your own experience, so you can one day spout forth your own sagacity with authority. Or not, as the case may be.


Remember to NOT believe everything you read and see out there. Trust, but verify ... everything. This includes the meme above, re Yao Ming, and other important shite like The News.

Based on Bob's and others' observations, the wedding part is cake, pardon the pun, beyond the literal element on that day. What comes after the fiesta frolic dies down is a lot trickier to manage and survive, like Groundhog Day.


Bob's first novel is chocka blocka full of tons of stuff with a different spin, if you can handle dolllops and doses of dark humor, sarcasm and satire mixed into the message, as our single, quasi-antihero, potty-mouthed stumblebum travels the world hitting up weddings.