Planning a wedding, and feeling a bit overwhelmed with how to manage and cut down your guest count? Maybe you are also struggling with risking to offend some by not inviting them? 

There are lots of reasons folks want a smaller wedding, whether it is because you want a small intimate affair, have budgetary restrictions, or your significant other wants really big, when you want really small. There is always a way around this, and still be able to safely say you invited everyone fair and square, so they can’t bitch about it later on behind your back to others if not straight  to your face.


Or you can listen to some single guy who has been to select weddings all around the world for a few decades and take some knowledge straight from the trenches.

Applying my four simple rules will help to solve anybody's wedding guest list quandary. 

1. Make the wedding far away and difficult to get to.
2. Announce it on very short notice (e.g., next week).
3. Have it midweek and during the school year.
4. Make it expensive to get to.

Let’s look at the four of these gems one by one for added insight. You can choose to use these solo or in various combinations, depending on the effect you and your partner desire for your big day so you can share it confidently and happily with all your family and friends.

On this first rule, that alone can keep many away, if they don’t want to make the effort to get there. The further away you make it, the more will fall off the back end of the wedding wagon. Take the "difficult" part and even push it to say "dangerous" and you will be really rocking the guest count cutback. Dangerous need not be in some war zone,  place of conflict, or lawless land with kidnapping and other crime possibilites, but it could be for reasons of disease/health risks or hazardous flora/fauna depending on your location. “Difficult” can also be tied to logistics and planning, for things like visas, vaccinations, and if you plan a destination that requires multiple hops and modes of transport to sort out, that is an added bonus for keeping ‘em away.

The second rule is a great one too, as the less amount of time you give folks to react and plan, then you have a way better chance of less participation. This one can all by itself can accomplish a whole lot.

Rule number 3 is great for knocking your friends with kids out of the box, if they don’t want to pull them out of school, and/or can’t find someone like family or a babysitter to take care of them. A lot of couples fret over the invitation list to include kids or not to include kids, because, depending on what life stage you are at, and your friends, the kid factor can really mushroom the final count overall. No worries there.  With this third rule in the mix, they need to make the decision to go without them, or bring them along. Midweek is also great, because now you are essentially forcing your guests to generally take more time off work too. Do they really want to blow a bunch of their limited vacation days to hit your wedding, especially if it ain’t in some garden spot of the world? You know it!

Then, if you still really think too many folks may squeak in, pulling the financial stakes up a notch or two, above and beyond what rule number 1 played to, then you can get rid of a few more clingers on.  The money you save in fewer guests can now be put to your own travel, accommodation and honeymoon budget. It is win win all around, amigo.

So, okay, enough for theory. How does one actually go and put this into practice in the real world?  School time is over, kids. Here’s the real deal for your benefit that I crafted.

All four elements are put into play, and I put in a few extra tweaks as well, by using e-mail only, playing up the family-friendly angle, and putting some kool food options front and center to help knock off some of those pain-in-the-ass fussy eaters. This will guarantee the final guest count is right where you want it to be and no one will feel slighted whatsoever that they didn't get the big welcome to come out.

-----Original Message-----
From: Bob Boguslavski & Ginger Akin
Sent: Nonday, Remember 13, 2019 37:98 AM
Subject: We’re Getting Married!

Hi there.

Just thought we’d let you know that we’re getting married. And you are invited!

Sorry for this short-notice, e-mail-only invite, but we just decided today, about 20 minutes ago actually. Hopefully it doesn’t bounce or get trapped in your spam filter.

Thursday next week—in Bumblefuck, Bongobongostan. Be there. No visa required if you are from neighboring countries.

First, long haul to Baklaliviatatlaglooshen City, the capital (GMT +7). Next, regional jet to Batorrorheet Island (90-minute flight). Last air leg is a short float-plane puddle-jumper charter to Lower Uotarrorheet (25 minutes), which will bring you to the mouth of the Billabbillabbiloxi River. You are almost there!

A short 1-hour dugout canoe ride follows, but beware the piranhas and water moccasins. You have arrived at the portage point. Machetes will be on hand as necessary. Greenery grows quick and thick around these parts! Last (we promise), a brisk 1.28-mile jaunt inland over semi-rugged rolling jungle terrain with your bags, and you will have arrived to share in our joyous day in paradise.

Since the military junta’s coup last summer, any holdups in-country at checkpoints and impromptu shakedowns along the way can usually be quickly resolved by discretely slipping the odd 50 nuevo bakhfir note as baksheesh for safe passage.

Don’t forget all precautionary yellow fever, hepatitis A/B, human papillomavirus (HPV), tetanus/diphtheria (Td), and meningococcal vaccines, and bring along malaria tablets. We will have ample supplies of antivenom for the local elapid varieties and fabled wandering recluse spiders should they invade your hut.

We are definitely a family-friendly wedding and welcome your bringing along your loved ones. We will have arrangements with the local witch doctor to care for younger children during the pagan celebration and after-dark offering. There is adequate complimentary mosquito netting at night, but not to worry unduly as the plasmodium falciparum type of malaria is not too prevalent here.

In the interest of planning, kindly select your main course in advance:
- BBQ moray eel in blood reduction
- Whole roasted giant scorpion vindaloo
- Filet of free range Chtorran gastropede

We are happy to make accommodations for vegetarians, given the plethora of locally available fresh produce, including red kudzu.

We look forward to seeing you all and sharing the moment with us.

With lots of love,

Ginger & Bob
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sent from our new and improved CrackBerry Intergalactic Kommunikator / Time Warp Teleportal / Holographic Orgasmatron / Illuvian Disruptor Death Ray


Now that is a wedding invitation! If you are really good with this (and lucky), it will keep your future mother-in-law away too.

You should be now easily capable of crafting your own strategy here. No need to thank me by the way, but in the end, you will still need to make your food selection for the evening’s dinner. Thanks to David Gerrold for the food inspiration. As the groom in the above, I’d probably go for the gastropede with some red kudzu on the side.